I recently was reading an article by a, As the article put it a 40 something cougar. Who was complaining about having sex with younger men and the men trying to have what she described as Porn sex with her. So she has set out to debunk our idea of sex as a porn shoot and wants to re-educate us on what real sex is and is not. The following are quotes from her on having sex and what is true and what is not about porn sex. What do I think about the article you ask? Great question. Here is my answer. Way to fuck up a wet dream there you dead fish fuck! Son-of-a-bitch are you kidding me? Remind me to bring a defibrillator the next time you are feeling horny and wanting to get laid.
THE MONEY SHOT:
We think it was around 2006 when we started getting multiple requests by men to cum on our faces. At first we were like, “Wha?”, but soon caught on. The “facial” or “money shot” was becoming popular in pornos. While some of us enjoy it and others find it degrading, I think all women can agree that it’s messy. These girls in the pornos seem so happy to get a load on their face. In real life, we’re running to the bathroom to wipe off your sperm … but not with water. That makes it stick to your face like glue.
TrueCTL solution: Go green and save water, SWALLOW!
SQUIRTING:
Some women can squirt. Some women cannot. Some women have learned to do so (allegedly). Yet, TONS of women in pornos seem to be human waterfalls. We don’t care that much about learning to squirt. Either it happens naturally or it doesn’t. Fact: an orgasm is just as good if nothing gushes out of us. Fact: you are not some wizard if you make it happen.
TrueCTL solution: Get a check up, because we bring squeegee with us to the party because if we can’t squeegee the mess running down the side of your legs we aint doing work.
Watching Us Play With Ourselves:
The porniverse is full of women who masturbate upon request. Actually, they don’t even need a request. They’re just hanging out on their bed in the middle of the day waiting to masturbate. They’ll moan and writhe and play with their tits. It’s no wonder that guys want to see their real girlfriends put on a show like this. Hate to break it to you, but when we masturbate for reals, it’s not a production. We don’t carve out time in our day to play with ourselves. We don’t wear high heels or massage our tits. We’re usually in our bed, half asleep. That’s why we feel awkward when you ask us to “perform” masturbation for you. It’s like, “Hold on, let me put on my PJ pants.”
TrueCTL: If this is too much to ask-I’m out of here! Have fun with your vibrator
Face Fucking:
Ah, good old face fucking. For those of you who don’t know, face fucking involves a dick shoved violently in a mouth. Hands on the back of the head. Possible choking. Sasha Grey pulled it off so seamlessly that men now seem to think that the rest of us can/ want to. Unless you enjoy being suffocated, choked and possibly barfing, this is a do-not-even-ask-us scenario.
TrueCTL: AaaaHhhhh wrong name for it, i’ts actually SCULL FUCKING. And when done correctly the intent is not to choke or suffocate. I’s sensual to dominate, take control to slowly do the work for you. That is what happens when you go for younger men. They don’t know how to handle a woman.
Anything To Do With Buttholes:
It seems like suddenly, within the last couple of years, all that guys can think about are our assholes. Licking them, fingering them, putting dildos in them, fucking them. The few guys we’ve asked to explain says it has to do with the “forbidden” or “taboo” aspect of anal play. While we believe them, we also think it has to do with all that porn they’ve been watching. Unlike the ready, willing and able assholes of the porn stars, real women’s buttholes tend to be a bit harder to work with. Professional girls make anal play look fun and easy. In real life it’s much more painful and messy, not to mention a logistical nightmare. And sometimes pleasurable, too.
TrueCTL: Like Micky used to say back in the day “TRY IT YOU’LL LIKE IT”
The On-The-Knees BJ
There are lots of ways to give blow jobs, the most uncomfortable being on your knees. If you’re going to be down there for more than five minutes (and you probably are), your knees are going to start to ache like holy hell. As it’s depicted in porn, we love being down on our knees moaning and squealing for as long as it takes. Nope. Not fun.
TrueCTL: Knee pads, pillow, towel, sofa cushions, etc… 5 min? try 55 minutes!
Reverse Cowgirl:
A note on the very popular porno position of reverse cowgirl. The is where a girl gets on top of the man backwards. Truth be told, only one in a million penises will fit in our vaginas in a way that makes this position possible. When it works, that’s great! But somehow, the success rate of reverse cowgirl is way smaller in real life.
TrueCTL: WTF are you fucking a midget? This is great every time.
The Enthusiastic Hand Job:
Hand jobs are always boring in real life. Always. And they make your arm hurt after a while. Don’t ever let pornography make you believe otherwise.
TrueCTL: Really now you are complaining about pounding out a quick one for us. What are we just sitting there reading a book? Shit I have had enough of you, let me go shoot myself….Really you can’t help a brother pound one out?????
Making Out With Our Girlfriends:
No we’ve never made out with our best friend. No, we don’t want to. No, she’s not ever going to stop over, have a few drinks with us and have a threesome with us. We wonder where you got that idea…
The Noisy Orgasm:
We don’t all make a lot of noise while we’re climaxing, so stop expecting us to sweat and writhe, scream and moan with every thrust. It doesn’t mean we’re not enjoying ourselves if we don’t wake the neighbors.
Coming On Tits Or Ass:
Similar to the money shot, a lot of guys are really into asking if they can cum on our boobs and/or butt. For most of us, it’s really no big deal. We’re not quite as amped by it as the women in the adult films, but we humor you guys and let you blow your load wherever you want (within reason). But we know the desire to cum on our tits and ass is directly related to the rise of internet porn because back in the day, it never once occurred to any of the dudes we were sleeping with.
Wall Sex:
God, sex against a wall looks really awesome on video. In real life, it’s not so awesome. It’s uncomfortable. And all we’re thinking about is if you’re going to drop us and when it will be over.
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